affection... assault.

There is nothing like returning
to a place that remains unchanged
to find the ways in which
you yourself have altered.

- Nelson Mandela (1918 - )


I thought of this quote when remembering my high school years recently. The articles I searched for (representing teens in the media) brought back some startling memories..
I came across one that discussed a recent incident involving a King Philip High student from Wrentham, Mass.
A seventeen year old from the high school I once attended had been charged with raping another 17-yr-old behind Town Hall in his car.
When I read the newspaper article, I cried.

According to the police report, Brian Poirier said "It's not the girl's choice, it's mine," when the girl refused his advances. He made the victim feel terrified, and forced himself on her, and when she went to the cops, he changed his story multiple times before admitting to letting things "get out of hand."

When I was in high school, there were many guys who sexually assaulted their female peers. But none of them were ever caught.
I, and others, lived in fear of being told it was our own fault if we spoke up about what happened. I kept quiet for a long time, because I didn't want to "make a scene" as many people I was close to would have accused me of doing. My friends/acquaintances also did not want to be rejected/insulted/abandoned by their peers for coming forward with the truth. We all had our reasons. We all stayed silent. The fact that this teenage girl had the courage to inform law enforcement fills me with hope, but the fact that sexual assault is still such a problem, even in my hometown (which people love to label as being a perfect white suburbia - it is anything but perfect), definitely breaks my heart.

What truly bothers me is that this will not change any part of the status quo. Rape/sexual assault will continue to be a part of a teenage girl's reality until sex ed becomes a bigger priority in our culture. At our school, the health ed never emphasized respect, or emotional/mental health, or gender equality, or communication, etc.etc.etc. The entire health education curriculum consisted of:
Part 1: This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. and
Part 2: This is a banana. This is a banana wearing a condom.

I am tired of America settling for such low standards when it comes to (what I consider to be) the most important aspect of ANY human being's education: Health/Wellness. If one is not mentally/physically healthy and safe, then any further education is oftentimes useless, irrelevant, or impossible. And it is beyond impossible for teenage girls to feel/be safe, if their male counterparts are sexually assaulting or harassing them.
However, schools are not dealing with the issue of sexual assault/harassment by increasing the amount of (or improving the quality of) their health education. Instead, they are enforcing strict "no-contact rules"... One article I read described these rules well in a headline saying, "...meant to stem violence, has some pushing for change."
I hope it's more than SOME. Putting into effect rules or codes of conduct that require absolutely no touching between classmates, or classmates and faculty, is ridiculous. It only isolates teenagers more, and represses their most basic need as human beings: the need for touch. If someone falls down and is hurt in gym class, is a fellow classmate supposed to just ignore it? If someone has just learned of a family member's death, is a teacher or peer supposed to NOT offer a hug/shoulder to cry on? Where is the humanity or respect in that? Non-violence should mean MORE to people than just the absence of aggression. Non-violence is not just a passive act; it is MORE than simply resisting an urge to injure someone. Non-violence means compassion, and compassion means: consoling, embracing, high-fiving, kissing, affectionate hugging or back-rubbing, hand-holding, and more.
So if schools want to promote non-violence, they need to promote and practice these things, like it or not, politically correct or not.
What they also have to do is teach students (starting at a very young age) that they need to treat their own bodies, and the bodies of others, with complete & utter respect. This translates into forming comprehensive health ed courses for students of all ages, in all grades, at all levels to take. I do not understand why years of geometry and algebra were requirements for me to graduate, but not several years of health ed. If I got an A in Chemistry (which, for me, will continue to be useless information in terms of my daily life and career choice), then I was considered a good student. But getting an A in Health class... well, that was looked at as a joke by my parents, and it was not considered an essential class for me to have taken in order to attend college.
To say the least, it enrages me to know there are schools condemning affection or contact between students or students & faculty. Inappropriate touching should never be allowed, but hugging? High-fiving? Please. Schools are institutions, yes. I think they shouldn't be such formal/controlling/conforming institutions, but they are, and I try to deal with that sometimes. However..Prisons?
No, they really should not be accepted as prisons.. yet, that is exactly what they are evolving into.
So if the powers that be truly consider imprisonment to be a solution for sexual harassment, they should seriously first check out America's prisons. As if sexual assault doesn't happen there.